21:25, Ljubljana, no mosquitoes

by Hasui Kawase

Dear reader,

The end of the month is here again and you know what that means. Again, not a single word was written this month, but that won’t stop me from publishing.

I am writing you this one from a village near Ljubljana. It’s 21:25 and I’m sitting on the terrace that looks out to the mountains. The neighbors down the street are having a party and are blasting Ex-Yu rock, Croatian trash, and Macarena which is making it a little difficult to concentrate, but that won’t stop me either. If I was sitting like this at my place at this time, the mosquitoes would eat me alive. But there are no mosquitoes here, which is wonderful. I left my laptop at home, but, again, this won’t stop me, so I am typing this on the phone like a psychopath.

For some reason I’m thinking of Charlie Munger and how he wanted to know where he would die so he can avoid going there. I’m thinking about my tendency to read and read and read and how maybe I finally realized that the answers are not in the unread books.

I’m thinking of Dostoevsky and how he said that thinking too much is a disease. I’m thinking of Henrik Karlsson’s recent essay where he said that writers shouldn’t be too focused on writing but should focus more on observing and then describing the observed in the best possible way. I’m thinking of social media and how now anyone can be a “thought leader” i.e. a person who thinks a lot, since one of the requirements of the game is that you have to do it all the time. You can’t do it sporadically.

I’m thinking about my writing idols and how a majority of them led tragic lives and how I read somewhere that you lose the will to write if you are content. Maybe I need to find better idols.

I’m thinking about the fallacy that whispers that you can think your way out of problems but how more thinking never solved anything. I think about the losertalk dressed as high brow pseudo intellectualism which shuns the entire self improvement genre because it’s not high brow enough and I hate the fact that I’ve fallen for it.

But my eyes opened when I decided to quit smoking and drinking for good three months ago. I realized that my choices matter a lot more than I thought. I chose that beer and then complained how I couldn’t sleep, how I’m not feeling great the next day, how I have low energy.

I’ve learned that I can make better choices. I’ve learned that real solutions are often not complicated. They are so simple, yet so difficult to do. I’ve learned that the path to the right mindset is not through endless books, podcasts or long essays. For me that’s a form of procrastination. I’ve learned that the path is through making difficult choices and putting in the hard work consistently.

Like I know you do as well, dear reader, I’ve learned that I knew what I needed to do all along, I didn’t need the books or influencers to tell it to me, I knew it in my gut, but I was too afraid to take it seriously. Well, I’m not afraid anymore.

As always,

Thank you for reading,

Yours,

SH